There are two camps when it comes to sex addiction: those who believe it is a real affliction; and those who don't.
I'm in the "don't" camp. Sexual addiction is, in my opinion, an easy and convenient label for a very complicated problem. As it stands, there is a lack of empirical evidence and scientific agreement on whether such a condition exists.
You see, the trick to what makes up a sex addiction is defining what are 'normal' sexual pursuits. An exercise in subjectivity as every person has their own comfort level and preference: some people want sex three times a day (or more); some have exotic tastes; others favor vanilla sex.
Consequently, it's extremely difficult to do any scientific study that can set guidelines to say what is an acceptable way to express sexuality.
That said, when you look at what sex addiction advocates have developed over the last 15 years, their standards are a moral judgment--rather than scientific conclusion--based around a heterosexual, monogamous, long term sex lifestyle. Other forms of sexual expression outside these boundaries could be construed as a sex addiction.
Apparently a lot of people agree with this belief system as over the last few years we see the term sex addiction popping up all over the media. In fact, Oprah and Dr. Phil have christened it as a real condition. Dr. Drew Pinsky has an incredibly popular television show helping "B" list celebrities.
Not surprisingly, all this media attention has filtered down to the average couple. I get countless inquiries from people asking how to help their 'sex addicted' partner. When they explain their situation, it's usually a gross self-misdiagnosis: "He wants sex everyday. I think he's an addict."
Please understand, it can be incredibly harmful to a couple's wellbeing when an incorrect diagnosis is put on their sexual dilemma(s). When you self diagnosis, it's difficult to impartially gage if the behavior is obsessive and harmful to you and your partner; or (more likely) you're uncomfortable with the behavior and don't know how to manage the circumstance.
However, all my nitpicking does not help an individual or couple who is in the middle of a serious sexual struggle.
After eight years together, one couple revealed their marriage started to unravel quickly. The husband was having an affair, compulsively self pleasuring as well as seeking out sex workers.
His wife decided to work on saving their marriage. She first started to read books and research the web. After trying a combined eight different counselors, they both felt they were getting nowhere fast.
It was only when she stumbled upon the term sex addiction, she says everything clicked into place and their situation made sense. Author, Patrick Carnes, defines sexual addiction as, "any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones and one's work environment."
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